and we were galloping manic...

I never realized it would be fall that was difficult for me. That it would be the coming of fall that would make my breath catch in my chest with the missing of them. And maybe it's because fall is my favorite season, maybe fall always catches my breath, throws me for a loop with nostalgia, maybe its not just that I'm far away and disconnect from everything that they are.

It's been five years of friendship, 10 years of friendship, and it's always difficult to realize that it will never be the same again, that I may never go back, that the fact that I don't talk to them on the phone may mean I will slowly stop talking to them all together.

And I have stuff here, piles of reading that could eventually drown me, hiking in more woods then I've seen in years, new friends. But I miss him telling me he loves me, and I miss happy hour, and I miss karaoke, miss not singing.

We will see how this pans out. We will see how long of a two years this stacks up to be, there is a lot left to be determined. But I mostly hope that in this move I don't lose all of them. That he isn't in India when I go home for christmas, that I have at least a couple of years left with them.

There is so much left to figure out, but it is fall. And all I want is to sit around a bonfire fifteen feet high and luminous. All I want is to enjoy it.